


[untitled comment fic]

by pipisafoat



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-27
Updated: 2013-12-27
Packaged: 2018-01-06 07:27:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1104076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pipisafoat/pseuds/pipisafoat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt from juliet316: Doctor Who, any!Doctor, sometimes he feels he should make these humans sign contracts before they come aboard the TARDIS.</p>
            </blockquote>





	[untitled comment fic]

**Author's Note:**

> srsly titles are hard; will title with just about anything anyone offers!

"Hello, sweetie."

The Doctor waved a hand vaguely in River's direction without really removing his attention from the table in front of him. "Minute. Tea? There. Good." The sounds of her pouring a cup of tea were a pleasant addition to the hum of the TARDIS, somehow not a distraction from his work. However, wondering why they _weren't_ a distraction _was_ distracting him, and he looked up as she sat down across from him. "How did you get here?"

"You parked in my cell."

"I parked in the void!" He reached off to the side, grabbed what had until today seemed like a totally pointless monitor, and tuned it to the outside of his ship. "And yet, this is your cell. I wonder why she brought me here?"

River shrugged and sipped her tea. "Perhaps because you seem to be working diligently. I can't imagine how much that must alarm the old girl. What's got your attention?"

"Did you know, I've never actually learned any legalities or legalese of any of the alien cultures I've met? Writing contracts is much more difficult than I expected."

"And you're doing so now ... why?"

He pointed his screwdriver at the screen. "To stop this." A series of his more recent companions flickered into view, all of them touching things or running away.

"You do realize that most humans don't listen to lawyers."

"Yes, but if they sign this and then do something wrong ... something happens to them! I think."

River reached for the papers in front of the Doctor and scanned the print for a short moment before setting down her teacup with an odd look on her face. "Okay, first of all, pick a language and stick to it. No court on Earth will deal with a multilingual contract, especially if not all the languages are from Earth."

"The TARDIS translates!"

"You don't get to bring your spaceship into a courtroom, sweetie. Second, you have more loopholes than a poorly knitted sweater. I can find my way out of at least half of these clauses, and I've only pretended to be a paralegal for two hours at a party."

He glared at her. "Okay, but I'm writing this for _humans_ , not for you."

"I'm more human than you give me credit for, and they're much smarter than you like to imagine."

"Was there a third point to your demolition of days of hard work?"

River looked at him consideringly, straightened the papers, and returned them neatly in front of him. "Yes, actually there was. You seem to be under the impression that anyone would sign this, assuming you remembered to ask them to sign, assuming you didn't adopt them as a companion while running for your lives without time to think about contracts. And to that, I have but one response."

A full minute later, the Doctor stalked out of the kitchen with her laughter still filling the room.


End file.
